Blessed

So I've had a ton of things on my mind lately. First of all it's been a long week, Michael has been gone since Sunday night and he'll be home an hour or so (it's now Friday evening). I can't wait. Usually the boys have a really hard time while he's gone this long, but I've kept them busy all week. Monday we went to WalMart. Tuesday we went to Barnes & Noble for story time and I bought them a Thomas the train railroad track and a five pack gift set. Needless to say, they are now obsessed with trains. Wednesday, we had brunch at Ihop with aunt Tami. Thursday we didn't go anywhere. And today we went back to B&N and got some Thomas the Train books, since they were fighting over the one little magazine that came in the packaging of the train tracks we bought on Tuesday. All these things kept the boys busy and helped the week go by faster.

I miss Michael tons. There is a friend on FB who lost her husband this week. They have a two and a half year old son like TnT. She seems to be really strong about it. I know that the Gospel is helping her out a lot and she's got a lot of friends and family showing her support. She said that she is grateful for her knowledge that families are forever.

I can't imagine what she is going through. TnT ask for their daddy everyday while he's working. They've asked for him and cried for him all week long. I assume their son is doing the same thing. Of course she explained to him that daddy doesn't live with them anymore but lives in heaven with Heavenly Father. I have cried for her and her son a lot this week. Heck, I'm crying as I write this.

Her husband passed away from complications with lupus and also Valley Fever. He was in the hospital over a month and was intubated a few times. She kept a very detailed blog. It took me back to when my mother was sick and her last days being attached to machines. I'm really good at acknowledging that my mother is not present but I don't dwell on it, it hurts too much. I do know I'll see her again, but I just wish she could've met our boys.

I have so many questions about motherhood and how she dealt with me as a baby and toddler. Sure I can ask any other woman who has had kids, but I want to know what she did as a mother. I want to know what I was like. I hear I threw some pretty horrible tantrums and I'm wondering if they are the same, worse, or less than Trenton's are.

So I've reflected on my relationship with Michael and of course I know I can do better, I already know the areas I can do better. I definitely take him for granted. The man is an awesome dragon slayer. He works so hard and puts so much time into his business, so that I can stay home with our three boys and so we can live decently. I need to show my appreciation for him more and make it more obvious to him how grateful I am for him, how blessed I am to have have him in my life, to have him as the father of our three beautiful boys.

I read Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" over a year ago, and I agree with all that she said, but I'm reading it again. I think a lot of women expect to be treated a certain way all the while treating their husbands like crap, isn't it obvious that that won't get us anywhere.

Anyway, those are all the emotions I've been dealing with this week.